TRAPPED...Part 18.

The cot was empty. 

I had woken up in the middle of the night and reflexively went to the cot. My mouth had parted in alarm when my brain restored some parts of my dreaded memory. Uche was gone. Gone for good. I slumped into the bed and was racked with sobs. How did I let this happen? How did I let my bundle of joy slip through my fingers? 

How could I let go without a fight?

For two days, Vicky has refused to eat or speak to me. That was after her question "Mummy, where is Baby?" was met with an empty stare. I had tried to explain, but it was not making sense to her. After bouts of explanation, she would still ask where Baby was. I decided that explanation without bringing Baby was useless. She grew sullen and withdrawn. I was too broken to be bothered. My mind kept replaying the events of that afternoon, wishing I could take it all back.

As soon as I agreed to allow them raise Uche, Jimmy's parents jubilated. His mother stood up to hug me. Jimmy's father joined in the embrace.

"My daughter, you just gave us a new life,"he said, beaming with smiles.

His wife was effusive with gratitude and made to carry the baby. Instinctively, I withdrew. I held the baby tightly, watching his tummy rise and fall with every breath. Inwardly, I wondered how a person so small could be so powerful. He had been my lifeline. Now, he is the cause of their joy. I looked at Dan. He was nodding silently where he sat, the only one not swept away by the euphoria in the room.

"You will always be welcome in our home," Jimmy's father said. "You can visit the baby anytime. You are his mother and hence, our daughter."

I was unfazed. I kept looking at the baby, struggling to keep my emotions in check.

"You can go home with the baby and bring him tomorrow," he said. "I know this must be very hard for you."

Teary-eyed, I thanked him and we left. Outside the gate, Dan finally spoke.

"You were amazing in there. You did the right thing."

"What?" I asked. "I feel like I have let Uche down. How do I explain this to Vicky?"

Dan shook his head. "If this had gone to court, it would have been way messier. You just rescued a couples' life singlehandedly in there. Without this baby, the magnitude of their loss could have given any of them a stroke. They are nice people and will give Uche the very best, which I know you want for him."

"How will I cope?" I asked, staring blankly into space.

Vicky was sitting outside Mama Tunde's verandah when we entered the compound. She ran to embrace me. I could not share her enthusiasm. Dan carried her as we proceeded up the stairs. As I bathed and fed Uche that night, his every smile and giggle drew a sharp pain in my heart. His innocence was my redemption. I watched Vicky play with him. Their joy and smiles were infectious. I was ending a good thing. The next day after dropping off Vicky at school, I packed Uche's things in a small bag and took him to his new home. As I handed him over to Jimmy's mother, he let out a loud cry. I winced. His crying voice trailed my exit as I battled with the pain gnawing at my heart. Upon returning from school and finding an empty cot, my five-year old daughter asked the question I have come to fear. "Where is Baby?"

It has been two days. A huge part of our lives was missing. The loss was palpable. I fiddled with my phone for some time and decided to call Dan. I had not heard from him in two days which was unusual. He picked at the third ring.

"Stella. How are you doing?"

"I feel terrible, Dan. Terrible. I wake up many times in the night thinking I heard his cry. His empty cot haunts me. I really need to see you."

"Stella, there is something I need to tell you." His tone sounded distant.

"What is wrong?" I asked.

"Stella, I don't know how to say this. But I am no longer allowed to visit you."

"What?" I could not believe my ears.

"See, Bola and I had a heated argument on Sunday night and it was about you. She asked me to choose between you and her."

"Ahn ahn! Which one be choose, again? Me and you dey do anything?"

"She said I give you too much attention. That I visit you  too frequently. And that our relationship is suffering because of that. After some soul-searching, I realized she was right. I had a beautiful thing going on and I was throwing it all away."

I was perplexed. Have I suddenly become a stumbling block? "So, you chose?"

"Yes."

"You chose to stay away?" My voice was laced with anguish.

He was silent. I hung up, just before the tears escaped my eyelids and flowed onto the neckline of my blue flowery dress. My loss just doubled.

The days brought with them slight glimmers of hope. I buried myself in work,  taking out my revenge on the sewing machine. Amazing designs emerged, my fury finding its usefulness. Vicky started eating after I took her to visit Baby. Uche looked well-fed and giggled on seeing Vicky. I carried him as much as I could. He could stand with support and was making some baby steps. Vicky played with him, making him crawl all over the living room. When it was time to leave, the crying ensued. Uche cried less.

I was busy in my shop one afternoon when a black Toyota Corolla car parked just close to the entrance. I wondered aloud who could be blocking my door when the driver's door opened. I felt mixed emotions as Dan entered the shop. He responded to Ebere and Ola's greetings and sat quietly in a corner.

"You got a new car?" I asked, finally breaking the silence.

"Yes." He forced a smile.

"That's good. Congratulations." I focused quickly on the satin dress before me. I was avoiding his eyes.

"Stella."

"Yes?" I looked up. There was irritation in my voice.

"I came to know how you are doing and to tell you about the car. You had always encouraged me to save money and get one." 

I was unmoved.

"As you can see, I am fine. I will always be." I stood up from the machine and walked to the table to cut.

"How is Vicky? And Uche?"

"They are doing great. Vicky asks about you, sometimes." 

His face lit up. 

He went to his car and returned with a red polythene bag. 

"I got her this." He handed the bag over.

Inside it was a small golden-yellow dress, with patterned laces at the hem and beaded designs.

"Wow! She will love this. It is beautiful. Thank you." I put the dress away.

"Stella, there is something else." 

I looked at him and noticed he was clutching something. He approached where I sat and placed it on the table. A small, beautifully designed invitation card.

"My traditional wedding...is coming up next month." His voice was shaking.

"Congratulations," I said, trying to smile. I could not. 

"How is Bola?" The question escaped my lips before I could stop myself.

"She is fine. We have been very busy lately, you know. Wedding arrangements." He stood up to leave. I saw him to his car.

"I am happy for you," I said, as he entered his car. "I may not show it, but I truly am."

"I know." He started the engine. "Stay happy."

As he drove off, I allowed the first tear drop. The war was over before I fired a single shot.

©Kelvin Alaneme, 2015.

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